Office Gossip You must hear !

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You know how everyone in your team seems to be aware that the CEO has put in his papers or that your colleague is dating the hot new VP? Do you wonder where all the dope comes from? Here’s a secret you probably should have heard a long time ago. It’s water cooler goss a.k.a. coffee machine goss. Ooooo! Did we turn Ms Holier-than-thou off with the word ‘goss’? Well, too bad. You don’t know what you’re missing.

If you think you’ll change your mind, here are some water-cooler stories you are likely to hear and how they can take you a long way!

The gossip: The company just shut down their sales division in Mumbai.

The implication: Blah! Who cares? You work in the human resources team anyway. Wake up and smell the coffee! They shut down a department (read: they can’t afford to keep it running and pay their staff, which in turn implies they are not doing as well you thought!) How does that affect you? Well, first off, your appraisal could disappoint big time or worse still, they could realise they don’t need an extra person in HR (duh… you!).

Your career move: Pull up your socks. Make yourself indispensable. So if lay-offs are in the offing, they’ll know they can’t do without you. Take on additional tasks and prove your worth. If nothing seems to work, start job hunting asap!

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The gossip: Ms X, Mr Y and Ms Z go drinking with the boss every Friday night.

The implication: Everything you say in front of Ms X, Mr Y and Ms Z can and will reach your boss’ ears. After all, how much other stuff will they have to talk about over drinks? Also, since they are the boss’ bum chums, if you rub them the wrong way they could decide to take revenge!

Your career move: Watch your mouth especially if you are prone to the ‘foot-in-mouth’ syndrome. Weigh every word before you spit out and never ever diss the boss in front of them. Instead say something appreciative about him. Also, befriend or just be nice to Ms X, Mr Y and Ms Z; it could earn you brownie points. But make sure not to get too pally. After all, if for whatever reason they fall out with the boss, you will too.

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The gossip: The MD of the company is earning Rs xx,xx,xx,xxx every month!

The implication: If your company can afford to pay Mr MD such a whopping salary (not to mention the innumerable perks), they are not as down in the dumps as they want you to believe. Why in world would they have to find your crummy salary as a reason to cut corners? Trust us, they can definitely afford to pay you a fraction (a teeny fraction) of the MD’s salary! After all, the pittance you earn is like his pocket change.

Your career move: At the next appraisal meeting make sure to be clear about the salary you are expecting. Of course, you will need to have a better reason than the MD’s salary. Be ready to cite at least 10 reasons for the hike you want. If you don’t get the raise you desire, it’s a good idea to leave because if the company isn’t willing to pay when they are doing well, how can they pay when they aren’t?

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The gossip: The girl at the copier machine has dated pretty much every guy on the floor.

The implication: Aha! So you finally realised why the photocopier girl tries merrily to strike up conversations with just about everyone and is laughed at the moment she turns her back. She’s earned the title ‘office sl**’ and naturally is a loner. So why does she still have her job? She’s now dating the boss, silly!

Your career move: Avoid her. You might feel terrible that she sits in the cafeteria all alone but here’s the thing: She made her bed and now has to lie in it (pun intended!) You make her your protégé and you will land yourself in hot waters. So unless you are prepared to tarnish your reputation, stay away!

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The gossip: The fresher who just joined is an IIM grad and is earning more than you!

The implication: Though many companies don’t really care about your educational qualifications, yours apparently does. Hence, they are paying a fresher more than you. It’s not that your work isn’t good enough. It’s just that you don’t have a big degree!

Your career move: Find out when your next promotion is due. If it doesn’t come through, that’s a huge indicator that it may never come. It would be smart to take a year or two off work to study further. But if that’s not feasible, it may be time to jump jobs. Preferably join a company that values experience more than just another degree!